Accepting Insults With Joy
Want to learn a quick method for spiritual elevation? In this article, we'll learn how doing nothing might be the best step for your growth
In the book, Tomer Devorah¹, ('The Palm Tree of Deborah'), there is a story that highlights an amazing spiritual principle that is available to all people.
Rav Chaim Kanievski was once asked for a blessing by a man who had been married for seventeen years without children. Rav Chaim advised him to find a person who had been sorely insulted but did not respond. That person would have sufficient merit to give a blessing for children.
It was not quite so easy to find such a person. The childless man remained on the lookout, watching all the conversations that occurred around him, waiting for the opportunity that Rav Chaim described. Then, one day, he heard someone shouting, making a ferocious verbal assault by showering his victim with shameful insults and accusations. The victim of the attack was obviously offended but held his tongue.
The childless man saw that his time had come. This was the opportunity Rav Chaim had suggested. He approached the insulted person and told him his story.
"You were insulted but remained silent. The gates of heaven are open before you. Please, I beg you, bless me. I have been married for seventeen years without children. Please bless me so I may have children."
At first the insulted man thought that this was a joke, and that he was being set up for another insult. However, he soon saw that the man was sincere.
He offered his blessings, and within a year it was fulfilled. The man held a son, after seventeen childless years.
The book continues;
This story, which occurred in our own times, testifies to the great power that our deeds wield over the very course of nature. A simple person, who swallowed his pride and remained silent in the face of insult, was granted power from Heaven to help perform a miracle that those best acquainted with the case had said was impossible.
From where did Rav Chaim learn this secret? How did he know about the great power of those who remain silent in face of insult?
We learn that there is a great spiritual opportunity when we pass up the chance to retaliate or return an insult. Given the current spiritual climate of the world, it is likely that we may experience this at some point or another.
This is particularly true on certain social media platforms, where the default tone can be rude, offensive, or overly negative. On these, people are quick to insult others and abandon the manners one might expect in face-to-face interactions.
Even religious and spiritual people can fall into this tendency, speaking Lashon hara (Evil speech), or spreading gossip⁴.
A Flow of Mercy
From Maimonides² to Rabbi Chaim Vital³, some version of this teaching is passed down. But how does it work?
When we experience the affliction of being wronged unjustly and choose not to match with retaliation, we become a kind of lightning rod, drawing down Divine mercy. Even though we're permitted to respond at the moment of such an insult (assuming certain criteria are met), forgoing that right causes a favorable shift in the world. Instead of bringing more judgment (Gevurah) into the world, we bring the opposite, Chesed.
This opens a door for us to understand another principle. Where much spiritual development is focused on what we do, we learn that sometimes the best step forward is doing nothing. To resist that which is available to us.
We see this teaching many times in the New Testament as well. In 1 Peter, this idea is rightfully connected with blessing, Chesed:
Do not return evil for evil or insult for insult, but instead, bless others because you were called to inherit a blessing. - 1 Peter 3:9 (see 1 Peter 4:14)
Jesus teaches something similar.
But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. - Matthew 5:39
In a later work, "Shaarei Teshuvah" (Gates of Repentance)⁵, we're told how this works.
If one forgoes his rights against a fellow who offended him, then in heaven, they forgo all of his sins.
By doing nothing, we find liberation. We will look at this powerful idea in a future article.
So, the next time you receive unwarranted, unfair insults - remember this lesson and recognize the opportunity provided for you.
Notes:
¹ Tomer Devorah. pg 238-239
² "The conduct of the just is to take insults but not give insults, hear themselves flouted but make no reply, do their duty as a work of love, and bear affliction cheerfully." - Mishneh Torah, Human Dispositions 2
³ "to be insulted without returning insult" - Gates of Holiness. Part one, Gate 5
⁴ https://www.thehiddenorchard.com/watching-our-words/
⁵ Shaarei Teshuvah, Principle 7
