Soul Refinement - The Revolution of Doing Less

Spiritual growth is often thought of as the result of doing more. More prayer, more learning, more meditation, or making room for one more good habit in our schedule.

All of these are great and have their place. And I always welcome the excuse to buy more books. But sometimes transformation comes through the things we choose not to do.

The trait we are looking at is called Perishut (פרישות), often translated as abstinence, restraint, or separation.

A Prerequisite for Growth

Perishut is like the spiritual the art of conservation, a trait especially valuable in our time. On a simple level, it is knowing how to step back and create margin. Learning when to say "not right now," and sometimes "no."

Before introverts get too excited, this does not mean withdrawing from society or adopting a reclusive lifestyle. It is also not encouraging asceticism. On the contrary, tradition tells us we should experience what life has to offer, we need to find the right balance.

In the classic work, Mesillat Yesharim, Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto (aka, Ramchal) teaches that abstinence is a prerequisite for real spiritual development, and we will learn why.

The Silent Saboteur

If we are working on ourselves, at a certain point, serious transgressions become less of an obstacle. We eventually build habits, routines, and friendships that slowly remove these negative patterns from our lives.

But this can create a new hazard. Sometimes good things can lead to excess and indulgence. And, indulgence can become a silent stifler of growth.

Abstinence, then, extends beyond what is forbidden, it includes excess of that which is permitted.

Perishut asks, "Just because something is permitted, does that mean it is good for me?" Paul seems to have shared this idea as well:

“Everything is lawful,” but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is lawful,” but not everything builds others up - 1 Cor. 10:23

The Revolution of Less

Take, for example, speech.

Spiritual development requires us to invest time learning the importance of positive speech. We begin by removing gossip and harmful words, while employing strategies to avoid Lashon Hara².

In time we learn that more words can bring more trouble. The discipline of abstinence calls us to review how often we speak. At this stage, growth may come through listening more or even using fewer words to make a point.

A further step would be to refrain from engaging in conversations that just don't bring real value.

Most of us live in cultures of abundance. We have endless access to food, endless noise, and endless means of distraction and entertainment.

In this way, abstinence becomes counter-cultural.

Three Dimensions of Perishut

Messilat Yesharim³ focuses on three primary dimensions of abstinence:

1. Taking care to avoid the Biblical prohibitions
2. Making use of the safeguards provided through the tradition
3. and, establishing our own personal boundaries

The first two are obvious, but the third category is where we begin to set personal boundaries for ourselves.

These will look different for each of us, as we establish fences to help us avoid the situations that we may personally stumble over. (It goes without saying that these safeguards are not intended to be forced on those around us).

A World of Tests

The Sages tell us that this world is a proving ground for the soul, full of temptations that can take us off our path. On this, the Ramchal says;

... it has become clear to us that all worldly matters are a test for man... however it is possible for man to escape worldly matters, it is appropriate for him to do so.

When we are more selective, we consume less. We create the margin to notice more of what is going on around us, allowing the soul space to hear messages otherwise drowned out.

Instead of always reacting, abstinence allows us the moment to ask, "Do I need to react?," or "Does this serve my mission?"

Jewish Mystical Tradition

Within this mystical tradition, there is an idea that life on Earth should not be totally comfortable. The belief is that achieving uninterrupted comfort and abundance here means that we're not being challenged enough.

The Jewish tradition has leaned into the idea that less comfort and pleasure in this world serves a greater purpose in the World to Come. This is the idea behind "storing up treasures in Heaven."

There is a story of Rabbi Chanina ben Dosa, a Galilean miracleworker⁴ known for his extreme poverty and deep relationship with the Creator.

Sad that his wife had to endure so much suffering due to their financial situation, he once prayed for some relief. Miraculously, a golden table leg descended from heaven, which he could hock for money. But that night his wife dreamt that this table leg was taken from their table in the World-to-Come⁵, and it would not do to sit at a 3-legged table.

Realizing they had exchanged spiritual treasure for temporary comfort, Chanina prayed again, and the hand returned to take the leg back.

Similar ideas exist in other cultures, but you get the idea.

Real-World Examples

So where do we begin? For many, our relationship to food and drinks may be a common starting point, but here are some other areas to consider.

Social Media

Social media is a major opportunity area for abstinence. The next time you find yourself doom-scrolling, ask how this helps your soul-mission. Before commenting on a post, consider whether it deserves your energy and time at all.

If you feel you spend too much time on social media, maybe remove the apps from your devices altogether, or go on a digital fast for a few weeks.

Speech

In addition to what has been said above, abstinence in speech may cause us to pause before reacting to something said. Allowing people have their opinions, ignoring insults, or letting go of the need to be right or having the last word.

Good Deeds

This one is a little abstract, but a frequent topic of discussion in the Rabbinic literature is the tension between studying and doing. At times, positive activities like studying Scripture or helping others may also need a measure of balance.

Here is an example: when I worked in the church, a real hazard for those on staff involved how many weekly service activities we were engaged in. Some found that volunteering provided a sanctioned escape from dealing with problems at home. You can imagine the outcome of those marriages in the end.

We need a balance here, too.

I believe this is the idea behind the ancient advice to combine Torah study with a steady occupation.

Rabban Gamaliel said: excellent is the study of the Torah when combined with a worldly occupation, for toil in them both keeps sin out of one’s mind; But [study of the] Torah which is not combined with a worldly occupation, in the end comes to be neglected and becomes the cause of sin. - Pirke Avot 2:2:

Begin Today

You will find that restraint takes strength, but sometimes making room for great means saying no to the good.

Notes:

¹ Pharisees (פרושים) means "separate ones."

² Soul Refinement - Guarding Our Speech

³ Messilat Yesharim

⁴ The Way of the Chasid Rediscovering the Ancient Path of Spiritual Growth

⁵ What Comes After Heaven? A Guide to the World of Souls and the Olam HaBa