Soul Refinement - Judging Others Favorably

A Story

Years ago, a friend told me about an incident that happened one night during their shift at a local restaurant.

A server was assigned to a table of a large family with many kids. As soon as she delivered one refill, another kid would ask for a refill. This table demanded more attention than any of the others, and the family left the area somewhat of a mess. When the check was returned, the tip line was empty. Nothing.

Angry, the server stormed into the kitchen to vent. About 30 seconds into her rant, her audience motioned for her to stop, noticing someone behind her, who had followed her into the kitchen.

Surprised to see a customer this far into the kitchen, she looked down to see a smiling kid looking up at her with a stack of bills in his hand. Thankfully, he was too young to understand what she was saying prior. The tip he handed her was the best of the night.

Needless to say, she misjudged the family.

Giving the Benefit of the Doubt

This world can be harsh. Often, people rush to make snap judgments and condemn others quickly when they make a mistake. Sometimes, we assume the worst of someone's intentions without taking time to understand the full story.

"Dan L'kaf Zechut" (דָּן לְכַף זְכוּת) translates to "Judging others favorably." This ancient ethic instructs us to give others the benefit of the doubt:

“Judge every person favorably.” - Pirke Avot 1:6

Aside from helping one build a positive outlook of others, the Rabbinic tradition¹ tells us that judging others favorably will allow us to be judged favorably, too.

This idea is echoed in the New Testament many times, for example:

For by the standard you judge, you will be judged, and the measure you use will be the measure you receive.
- Matthew 7:2

This is similar to the philosophical principle known as Hanlon's razor², which advises against assuming malicious intent when a simpler explanation (i.e., ignorance or incompetence, etc) will suffice.

Get Creative

The teaching encourages us to view others with understanding, compassion, and empathy, assuming the best when we don't have the full picture, not the worst.

Sometimes, this means we'll need to get creative, considering the theoretical rationale for someone's behavior, or even putting ourselves in their shoes.

Judging others favorably means finding acceptable excuses for questionable behavior, excuses which make sense to us and leave us with a positive feeling about the other person. It is based on a desire to see the best in others...³

Algorithmic Hazards

Judging others favorably is uniquely difficult in our generation when the media monetizes emotional outrage and division.

Algorithms present content on social platforms that specifically incite anger and fear. People are dehumanized and grouped into oversimplified victim vs villain dichotomies. Scroll through your feed for a moment and pay attention to the subtle emotional reactions and judgments that arise.

Though some people indeed do have ulterior motives, not everyone does. Discerning the difference is our responsibility.

Compound Sin

Assuming the worst in others has some other hazards. On one hand, it contributes to baseless hatred (שִׂנְאַת חִנָּם | Sinat Chinam).

The Chafetz Chaim warns that most Lashon Hara⁴ stems from judging others negatively.

If, in the story above, the kitchen staff had accepted the server's story and formed a negative opinion of the family, they would have violated the Torah command of "accepting a false report".⁵

The speaker and the listeners would have engaged in three particularly bad transgressions: Lashon Hara (Evil speech), accepting a false report, and not judging another favorably.

Understanding Dan L'kaf Zechut

Dan L'kaf Zechut is tricky, though. It is more than changing our perception of others. Like most mussar ethics, it is really about rewiring our inner thought patterns.

The good news is that we already have the tools to judge others favorably; we do it for ourselves all the time.

Any mistakes we make are usually forgiven quickly, with a complete backstory that justifies our actions.

As the Chasidic master, the Baal Shem Tov said:

Just as we love ourselves despite the shortcomings we have, so should we love others despite the shortcomings they have. - The Baal Shem Tov

Practical Tips

Here are a few ways we can begin to apply Dan L'kaf Zechut in our day-to-day lives. If an incident occurs;

Step 1 - Pause

Simply pause. Prevent old habits from running their course. This tip can be applied to virtually any mussar principle. Instead of reacting negatively, assuming malice or gossiping with others, control your emotions and choose a healthier approach.

Step 2 - Assume You Lack Information

Assume that you don't have the full story, and you are lacking critical information that would help explain the incident in a benign or positive way.

Step 3 - Use Your Imagination

List one or two reasonable positive explanations for what you saw occur.

Step 4 - Grace

Think long term. With friends, mistakes will be made, and miscommunications will happen. Generally, people are carrying more burden and stress than we're aware of. Show grace and forgiveness when hurt, and don't always assume the worst.

Step 5 - Communication

If necessary, reach out, gently, and ask if everything is alright. A quick conversation can clear up confusion and provide the information we lack.

Conclusion

Judging others favorably is a true Torah ethic that can transform the world. Best of all, it can be learned and lived out by anyone. If everyone practiced this one discipline, we would see a kinder and more forgiving world.

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Notes:

¹ Shabbat 127b

² https://www.britannica.com/topic/Hanlons-razor

³ "The Other Side of the Story". Yehudis Samet. Page 35

⁴ Lashon Hara

⁵ Exodus 23:1. "Thou shalt not accept a false report"
Accepting a false report. https://torah.org/learning/halashon-chapter6/